Best line?

I can still snort you under the table.

I got to use that at my next work meeting/conflict.

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I remember at one point in my life I thought being a stunt man would be a really really cool job. It was seriously near the top of my list of career choices in elementary school.

” RudieCantFail, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Stunt man… Where’s the brown play-doh?”

There was something quite appealing of risking your life for pure entertainment purposes that seemed bad ass. Part of my young brain thought people would be impressed by my dare devil acts of danger. Bruises. Bone breaking. Scars. They didn’t seem to phase me. At the same time, I had yet to succumb to some serious pain. But that didn’t stop my over-active imagination from wanting to become a stunt man in first grade.

How does a first grader decide a career move like that at a young age?

A simple answer was television. If you ever wondered if television influences the minds of young children? The answer is: yes.

My decision when I was in first grade to become a stunt man was due to one show and one show only. The Fall Guy. An 80’s action series show that I watched every week. My eyes glued to the tube and impressed as hell. It starred Lee Majors as Colt Seaver, a stunt man by day and bounty hunter by night. How fuckin cool did that just sound? Colt Seaver was the man. He would jump off moving trains. He would roll a car 100 times and get out with barely a scratch. He would be caught on fire while sipping martini’s. In the end he’d catch the bad guys and hit the hot tub. Sometimes with some chick for comfort. But Colt Seaver made danger look easy, fun, and bad ass. I wanted to be him.

And so for a few minutes, I was Colt Seaver.

When my parents weren’t looking I would perform my amazing stunts of 100% pure danger. I didn’t do anything that involved fire or speeding vehicles. Not yet at least. But I would do silly stunts like climb to the top of a book shelf and jump into the couch landing on my back. Or run full speed at the couch pretending it was a car and I was dodging it. Or jump from the couch as if a moving train landing with a dive roll to the floor. With imagination, the couch was anything and everything and my greatest tool for practicing my stunts.

But the couch can only take you so far.

One day my mom and I were coming home from the grocery store. We were riding in a green station wagon. The back was full of groceries and I was sitting in the back seat… plotting. I was plotting my first live stunt in front of an audience. The audience being my mom. The plan being the following:

As my mom is pulling into the concrete driveway of our house, I was going to kick the door open, jump out, and do a dive and roll into the front lawn. Then get up to my feet hands in the air, scratch free, and no broken bones.

That was the plan. The master plan.

I remember at the time I thought my mom would be hugely impressed with my magnificent dive and roll from a moving vehicle. Thus, she would then support me and my decision for stunt man school. That was the goal at least. To make a big impression. It was flawless, right? For a first grader, yes.

We were coming up to the driveway and she was pulling in slowly. That was when my moment began. I kicked open my door [years before child proof doors were invented and now you know why.] and I took a leap from the car. But then halfway through mid-air I freaked out. Something put the fear in me. I don’t know what it was but I second guessed my actions which does not help when doing something mid-air. As a result, I grabbed the car door and never let go of it. My mom didn’t realize what was going on and continued to pull into the drive way. She dragged my ass across the pavement of the driveway for about 10 feet. Then she stopped after she heard me yelling. Or was it more like crying? Anyway, she got out of the car and came to my aid. I had holes in my pants and scratched up knees that were bleeding. No broken bones tough.

My mom was not impressed. Nor did I go to stunt man school. I got a degree in computer science instead.

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But this reboot of Bond with Daniel Craig is how I really like it. Intense. Kick ass. Throw a ‘fuck-you’ attitude. You got a recipe for a bad ass Bond that ladies will sure to drop there dress for. Daniel Craig was quite awesome in Casino Royale. I would not want to mess with the guy. He’d instantly jab his middle finger into my throat and I’d die a quick death… if I’m lucky. Fortunately for him he was able to work with a good script. Something Pierce Bronson was not given.

Anyway…

Here’s the new trailer for the next Bond flick Quantum of Solace. Somewhat of a stupid name but I’ll deal with it. The trailer looks intense and Daniel Craig still looks like he will kick my ass to a pulp.

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I can’t fuckin wait. It’s a shame though because Heath Ledger really looks amazing as the joker. Dark. Psychotic. And just plain fucked up looking. It’s looking to be an awesome movie and I can stand to wait much longer.

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His face as he’s snapping away says a thousand words. One of them being constipated.

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This clip has created an uproar and now everyone seems to really, really hate the Hogans. All of them. A one time icon. Now Hulk is getting buried deep in a pile of feces that he and his family are having a hard time digging out of.

As a result of this taped phone conversation Nick should definitely pay his dues… with multiple days of group anal rape. Group anal rapes always straightens out the devil in everyone. It’s a true way of correcting those who have done wrong.

Just a random thought that crossed my mind just now.

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There is nothing special about the video. I just find the below comment kind of funny.

Honestly, I visit these types of Youtube videos just to read the comments. I swear!

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